They walked into the familiar halls of their high school, sat in their normal seat, next to their normal classmates that had known them for years. But they were scared.
Scared to raise their hand to answer a question. Scared of who might see their freshly painted nails for the first time. They could hear the teenage guys around them snickering and making “misogynistic” comments. “‘Who the fuck did that to you?’” “‘I would never let a bitch touch my nails.’” “‘You must have at least gotten head.’” Growing up and going to high school in rural Georgia, Atlanta-based musician Aidan Caughy was cautious to express themself through their adolescent years. They were not comfortable saying they were anything other than “not straight” for the majority of high school. It was senior year when they realized being perceived as a man did not fit them, when they discovered that making music was how they could bridge their complex inner world with the people and world around them. With the release of their debut album Shimmer and sequel EP Cosmos, 19-year-old Aidan Caughy (they/them) wants listeners to experience and follow their journey through adolescence and accepting their queerness, by creating a space where other queer kids and young adults can do the same. Caughy’s discography carries the arc of their coming-of-age story as a non-binary, gender-fluid person through electronic bedroom pop (a descriptor for new genre-defying artists that produce their own music out of bedrooms) with themes of nostalgia, loneliness and self-expression. They have been writing and producing music out of their bedroom since their junior year in high school, marking the start of their career with the release of the single “Walnut Creek” in 2019 – a song about “nostalgia” Caughy said. Lyrics from “Walnut Creek” - You spread yourself on every wall of my mind / Can’t hold on to what is done / That’s fine / But I can’t help myself / I just look away /… / It’s so hard to move on from that place / I don’t belong / Where do I fit? / I can feel it in my chest / She’s with him and that’s for the best / I could use less of this. Pulling different drum patterns and production techniques like shading or arrangement style from other electronic and bedroom pop artists they looked up to, Caughy was able to discover their own style and where they fit into the world of music. The soulful writing of The Beatles, the creative direction of Coldplay, the versatility of Daft Punk, the powerful beat arrangements of deadmau5 and moving vocals of Puma Blue all inspired the artist that over three thousand listeners know as Caughy. But Caughy has their own story to tell. “It was just hard to be surrounded by [the homophobic comments] at the time,” Caughy said. “There was a part of my high school experience where I was hearing homophobic slurs daily.” Whether these comments were in jokes with friends or coming from people they didn’t know in the hallway, homophobia was normalized in their environment rather than queerness or self-acceptance. Learning about how different people expressed androgyny in fashion and art on the internet and through social media allowed them to be exposed to the “nuances” of gender was “really powerful” for them towards the later years of their adolescence. “Coming to terms with my queerness in that environment created a lot of emotions that I feel like I channel in my music,” Caughy said. “It’s finding out who your authentic self is and how you feel the most comfortable and the most free.” The first chance they could do this was in their debut album Shimmer – a seven track mixtape with over 6,000 streams on Spotify that was released in 2020. Caughy collected these songs that they had written over the course of their high school years to form an auditory picture of their adolescence. “[Shimmer] really embodies that time of my life, the emotions that I had, especially coming to terms with my identity and just kind of like the process of that, like that journey with that,” they said. “I talk about the sense of feeling kind of lost, especially in the track ‘Sleepless’, that’s a very specific emotional memory.” Lyrics from “Sleepless” - I wake up each morning feeling so weak / please stay here with me / hold me down / tell me that I’ll be fine / and I know that in time I’ll figure this all out / but for now, this scares the hell out of me. The track “Friend” also appears on the debut album, which details a very specific moment where Caughy runs into a close childhood friend, now that they present themselves differently than before. The friend kept asking questions about their more feminine and colorful choices in clothing and who painted their nails (in a who-did-this-to-you kind of way). “It just rubbed me the wrong way," they said. "That song was really just very raw about how that made me feel... Just kind of learning that like people come and go, and people grow at different paces.” Lyrics from “Friend” - We move to some different states / I can tell you haven’t changed / I can tell by what you say / That I’ve changed too much / … / I know people come and go / It’s for the best / because some never grow. One song that stands out still to Caughy from this album is “Holding On” – the shining beacon of hope from their high school experience -- moving to Atlanta and pursuing something bigger. “I wasn't feeling very broken,” Caughy said. “I was just feeling very eager to get the fuck out of there. You know what I mean? I was very excited just to leave that place. Cause I knew it wasn't like that everywhere.” Lyrics from “Holding On” - I don’t feel like myself / though I try, the words don’t come out / and I know that it won’t be long / so I - I’m holding on. “When I think of that project, I really associate adolescence with it,” Caughy said about Shimmer. “It sounds like a really young project… I didn't really know exactly what I was doing while I was making it… I don't want to say immature because I feel like there's a negative connotation, but there’s a quaintness to it, if you will.” The song “Pink & Blue” closes out the project as a song that reflects approaching this sense of self and identity. With subtle 808 beats and synth, the calming electronic rhythm of the song captures the feeling of what it’s like to shimmer. Someone or something just breaking into new light, reflecting everything the world has thrown at them in a beautiful, artistic and ethereal way, demanding attention and exuding youthful beauty. Lyrics from “Pink & Blue” - I’ve known for quite a while / that my world is upside down / I can’t keep my head on straight / … / I’m pink and blue / I’m pink and blue. / I feel so pretty / in all this pink / I started dressing how I like / fuck what you think / She feels this fabric / says ‘wait, I have this’ / … / no I can’t hide it / but it shouldn’t be hidden / what’s inside / I’m pink and blue. After graduating high school in the pandemic year of 2020, Caughy moved to Atlanta and started attending Georgia State University to pursue a degree in Music Industry which is a degree focused on both the business side of the industry and theory and technical music work. They continued to create and develop their own personal style in their spiritual identity through music and in their physical identity through fashion, hair and beauty. Bright neon colors and gender-fluid fashion became noticeably a part of their brand and self-expression. A vibrant chartreuse buzz cut to pair with neon, metallic and iridescent fashion that blurs that line between expectations of femininity and masculinity became a trademark for Caughy in this era of new adulthood and recognizable to their modest, local fan-base in Atlanta. Their next release Cosmo released in April of 2021 embodied this change – more direct with their identity and direction for the style of the five-song EP. They channeled more synth (sounds made from a synthesizer machine) and 1980’s production techniques with a retro-sci fi underlying tone throughout the project. “The way that ‘Ziggy Stardust’ by David Bowie made me feel viscerally was what I wanted to embody with Cosmo,” Caughy said. This was how Caughy was able to relay the feeling of change in their life, and how coming to terms with their identity was less sad like in Shimmer and more “liberating,” they said. They wrote the opening track “Distance” the first week after moving to Atlanta. Lyrics from “Distance” - Close your eyes / breath it in / say goodbye / to innocence / one more time / I feel blind Before speeding the tempo to a more up-beat bedroom pop dance-like rhythm to set the tone for the more uplifting release from the artist, an almost sequel to the first EP, bringing listeners full circle in the story of this character’s journey of self-love and feeling comfortable as themselves. The EP continues with the tracks “Glass Walls,” “Venus,” “Silly Thoughts” and “Stardust” which carry on the up-beat dance pop music that make you feel like a character in the resolution of a retro-sci fi film which is reminiscent of the bittersweet closing sequence of Gattaca. The closing song on the album “Stardust” calls listeners back to the ethereal energy from the debut album with a harmonic choral vocals laying over a quickly-paced beat that not only shows off their production talents but vocal talents in creating a surreal and spiritual space for the character that they are creating through this body of work. “I just felt like letting go and just kind of moving forward… I was really, really coming to terms with who I was and feeling way more comfortable. [Cosmo] really embodies a lot of those feelings as far as identity,” they said. “I was romantically involved at the time – I had a partner. It was going through a long distance relationship, and I channeled a lot of those emotions through the project, both when we were together and when we were no longer together. And yeah, to me, when I think of Cosmo, I really think of that.” Part of feeling more comfortable with who they are, Caughy attributes some of this to the people they have met in the city. Some of whom they are now performing in a band with. Caught met the majority of their new found-family in the dorms of GSU while they were living on-campus but only attending virtual classes because of the pandemic. These bonds were strong enough to carry over after they moved out of the dorms. “I've really just found such a supportive circle in the city,” Caughy said. “Moving to Atlanta has really made me find so many like-minded people. It's really just changed the way that I feel comfortable… If the version of Aidan that was out of high school could see where I was at – not only with my music, but also with my friends – it would just be very earth shattering to them.” Caughy & the Cosmos debuted their first live performance Sat. Feb 27 at the EKETCHI UNIVERSE pop-up show, consisting of musicians they have met in Atlanta – Kid Kook (Spencer) on the drums, Atom & the Molecules (Adam) on synth and bass and Spencer Vault (also Caughy’s roommate) on the guitar. “Every single time Aidan finishes a track, it’s usually (in my opinion of course) the best work they’ve ever done,” Vault said. “Being a roommate to someone I work so close with creatively is nothing short of the best. When I first met Aidan, they lived six floors above me… instead of going six floors up to write music, I can just knock on the door next to mine.” Working with the band has brought a new sense of “life” to their music, Caughy said. And changed the way they perceive their career. Performing with the band for the first time “opened” their “eyes” to the possibilities of that type of musical career and wants to explore this new side to their music. Caughy always wants to “explore ways that I feel like I can grow. And just really continue to let my sound change. I really hope that, you know, when I'm making music five years from now that what I'm putting together is completely separate from what I'm doing now – this kind of dance space pop, loneliness, what's embodying my interests as a 19-year-old. I hope when I'm 25, I'm doing what inspires me and interests me at that time.” Vault hears Caughy consistently study new production techniques and styles – Ableton online tutorials (German electronic music software), music theory, side-chaining (a production technique used in a lot of Daft Punk records). “Aidan’s sound is constantly evolving,” Vault said. “That’s what’s been setting them apart, it’s the differentiation in their music. I don’t know too many artists that are active in the GSU art community, the underground ATL DJ scene, and manage to get together a live band to perform a completely new set in the process. They love to work, and the music shows that.” Along with being a full-time student, conducting rehearsals with the band and maintaining at least one live performance per month, Caughy is currently working on a new project to charter them into a new era of music and artistic expression. Caughy is finding a voice other than their own with work-in-progress Luna, creating a character that is related to but “darker” and “weirder” than Cosmo – one rooted in loneliness, sadness and tragedy, stretching their artistic expression past their own experiences and into a deeper, more abstracted form of storytelling. “Especially with working with the band, it's kind of shaken up my timeline of this project and what I want to do for the next project,” Caughy said. “But definitely expect experimentation, stepping out of our comfort zones and just exploring… I feel very comfortable expressing myself with my music… I'm just really excited for the future.”
1 Comment
javi
3/9/2022 12:13:10 pm
incredible read!!
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